Did CNNSI Fire Gimelstob?

We've noticed that CNNSI hasn't published one of former player Justin Gimelstob's "columns" since his little radio tirade that occurred during Wimbledon. Did they deep six the douchebag or what?

Sound harsh? Excuse me for not feeling very charitable toward the jerkoff. He appeared on some radio show during Wimbledon to call Anna Kournikova a "bitch" "scumbag" "douche" and someone he "despised to the maximum level, right below hate." 

Had enough? But there's more - noting he was scheduled to play a mixed doubles match against her this summer during World Team Tennis, Gimel-dick talked about how he was going to "kick her asshole" and hit her with a 129 mph serve right in the stomach, "if she's not crying by the time she comes off court I haven't done my job."

Oh really? Who's strong enough to hit that 129 mph serve for him, Serena Williams?  We all know Justin can't get it up anymore.

Gimelstob's Brother Murdered a Cop

Gimeldork offered to have Kournikova sleep with his brother, who is "kind of a stud." Yeah he's a stud alright. None of the articles about this controversy mention that said stud Josh Gimelstob pled guilty to negligent homicide for the hit and run death of a Tulane campus police officer in 1997. He left the scene and tried to get his jeep repaired to cover the crime up. The asshole served a lousy six month prison term. Maybe Justin has his own fantasies about Josh's studliness. 

And yes, there's even more from the New Jersey Sage. He said women's tennis players "lack the social skills, they don't go to high school, they don't go to parties." Yeah. Frat parties. Dudes develop tons of top notch skills from slurping on the beer bong and passing out in dirty bathtubs.

Justin had some other locker room barbs for Nicole Vaisidova and Alize Cornet. Vaisidova didn't take offense, but that's because she's used to dating with losers like Radek Stepanek. Kournikova's only comment was that she was going to take the high road. She's grown up a lot since she was on the tennis tour and lives a relatively quiet existence. 

Unlike Vaisidova, Serena Williams took up for Kournikova

"Being pro-women's rights, I just think we've come farther than to be referred to like this," said Williams.  "Anna is a great girl. For anyone to say that about her is not professional. It's just totally uncalled for. Unless you really know these people, you talk to these people, you never know what people go through. It's not good to say those things about people."

Truth and Consequences

Gimelstob was suspended by Team Tennis for one match and he issued an apology. A far bigger issue is his recent election to the ATP Board of Directors, which happened before the incident. Gimelstob was hired by CNNSI to write tennis columns but that seems to have stopped. The columns were mostly wastes of time, like when he defended his bro Andy Roddick from what he perceived as unfair criticism by Jon Wertheim, the real tennis journalist at CNNSI. That was ridiculous, since Wertheim is a frequent Roddick defender and all Wertheim said was that Roddick needed to do something about the attitude he developed with Jimmy Connors. (He did; he parted ways with Jimbo)

Unfortunately the usually strong Wertheim sort of defended Gimelstob after the incident. I wish Wertheim and CNNSI would weigh in on this. If the guy has been fired they need to say so. My take on it is simple:  you have free speech, but private employers retain the right to make you suffer the consequences. That's apparently a tough concept for the Gimelstob family.

Real Estate Market Hits Tennis Stars

The rich and famous aren't immune from the housing mess.  Of course not many have had to hit the pavement yet, but still, I'm sure Pete Sampras never imagined having to shave two million off the $25 million sale price to move his English tudor in L.A. The 10,000 square foot house has five bedrooms and twelve bathrooms. Twelve bathrooms are ideal for those of us who hate to clean the bathroom. The LA Times has no info on where he's moving. Pics here. 

Meanwhile, Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf have pulled out of their plans to invest in a new resort in central Idaho. Tennis Magazine cited market conditions and litigation as the reason the doubles team is cutting their losses. The Tamarack resort was slated to be a four-season resort with property starting at $450,000. Development of its ski and leisure areas planned for a measly $1.5 billion. A spokesperson for Agassi Graf Development said the pair still hope to do business in the area in the future.

Dear Greg and Chrissie: Instant Karma and All…

...It’s a Bitch

You would think from watching the ABC golf talking heads over the weekend that the two blonde icons of the ‘80s, Greg Norman and Chris Evert, were living the Greatest Love of All Time. They apparently did. It was just a few weeks ago that they had a $2 million wedding in the Bahamas, where it rained (which Greg described as the spittle of heaven consecrating their union). The wedding featured cameo appearances by Bill Clinton and George Bush I. And the man with his half-a-billion dollar golf empire was able to send goons out to hassle the paparazzi and rent the sky over the wedding site to prevent anyone from taking pictures. (The better to preserve them for eventual sale to an Australian tabloid. At press time there was no word on any Branjelina charity donation)

And even better than Bahamian Godly Spittle is finding one’s Magic Driver in the shapely thighs—um, I mean closet…of an 18-time major tennis champion. As this year's British Openo began, the other famous golfing Animal was back home with a bad Tiger paw, and according to the Golden Bear himself, these young, non-mammalian golfers were weak candy-asses. So how about a Shark attack? Sure Greg hadn’t won a tournament in ages, only played in four during the last three years, and had almost stopped practicing altogether. (Greg claims to play more tennis than golf, which is why after three rounds he said he wasn’t tired, while fat guys half his age wheezed around the golf course like little blowfish).

So there they were, improbably back on center stage. Greg led the first round and it was a nice story, resulting in a good many columnists saying “Chris Evert married Greg Norman?!” After the second round the old guy was still the leader. Chrissie was seen dutifully lugging a gigantic diamond around the golf course after her man. The buzz became an avalanche after the third round when The Shark, assisted by the Ice Maiden, vanquished everyone on a day of 60 mph winds.

The Shark led for three rounds and now it was time, the people seemed to agree, for Norman to chase away all his demons by achieving The Greatest Golf Victory of All Time. The guy who did more for the game of golf than anyone since Jack Nicklaus had a chance to better his elder by becoming the oldest man to win a major. Norman has a tragic record in grand slam events, with just two wins and several horrifying, embarrassing losses. There are the ones he lost when other players made ridiculous, lucky-shot chip-ins. And then there are the ones he surrendered faster than Henri Petain in the Battle of France, by choking away huge leads. By the time he went into Sunday with a two-shot lead he had a non-stellar 1-6 record when he was the leader going into the final day of a major.

All of this might lead you to believe that karma was on Greg Norman’s side. A win would erase even the disaster at the Masters. 

But Karma, boys and girls, can be a real bitch. Norman collapsed and lost.

Once upon a time on the way to the wedding chapel…

…Chris Evert and Greg Norman stabbed their spouses in the back, a fact Evert is now acknowledging in a new interview with Vogue. Instant karma’s gonna get you.

Observers already knew the dirt on this one. Evert’s ex-husband Andy Mill was Norman’s best friend. Norman had been married for 24 years, Evert 18. The foursome vacationed together and it is said that Evert and Norman first hooked up during one of their fishing trips (in the middle of the night no less). Gonna look you right in the face.

Evert announced she was divorcing Mill in the fall of 2006. She accomplished the divorce in record time: about six weeks (lawyers can’t even clear their throats that fast), generously paying Mill $7 million to end it ASAP. He stepped aside gracefully, but the word around South Florida was that he was totally devastated. He told People magazine "Greg Norman at one time was my best friend, and a year and a half ago, I would have taken a bullet for this guy. But I didn't realize he was the one that was going to pull the trigger." With three kids to co-parent, he gets to tough it out with Evert over the long haul. Better get yourself together darlin.

Norman’s ex, Laura Andrassy, did not go quietly. At all. She took Norman to the cleaners. Alex Rodriguez, take note: They repeatedly denied the affair. Norman was fighting Andrassy tooth and nail over his golf empire.  Until Andrassy subpoenaed Evert for a deposition. Had that deposition taken place Chrissie would have had to produce every gift and love letter and discuss them in gruesome detail. Greg would not let this happen. He surrendered before the deposition could go forward. When it was all said and done he agreed to pay Andrassy $100 million to keep the truth out of the tabloids. Join the human race

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why Evert is now confessing the affair to Vogue: the Teflon Twins took more hits to their respective images over this than they’ve ever taken before. South Florida and Australia covered the divorces closely. People in Florida were utterly shocked, there had been no rumors, Mill was extremely well liked. Evert is now a two-time loser, with both marriages being dogged by her affairs. How in the world you gonna see

If the respective exes are to be believed, they never saw it coming. Evert is now saying that it was “an irresistible force” that drew them together. “How do you explain something like that?” she said. Laughin at fools like me

Oh Chrissie, don’t try me. There’s always the hormones-and-Viagra explanation, or the public-attention-deficit disorder explanation. Or maybe, just maybe, even true love. Who in the hell do you think you are

Vogue probably can’t believe its luck. Had Greg Norman not gone out and almost won at major at age 53, their little revelation would have been mostly unnoticed. Instead of publishing a nice little article about glamorous has-beens living fabulous lives, Vogue is now sitting on a hot piece of gossip. A super star?

It’s a great story. Who are we to judge? I cheered for The Shark on Sunday. I always liked Evert and like her still. Well right you are.

The Karma Police would probably agree with me if it weren’t for the way they pushed the details of the affair in their exes faces. Airing this kind of dirty laundry in Vogue, for your kids and all the world to see? That’s a little much even for me, a feckless lawyer. And the damage control aspect of the Vogue article will now work in reverse, as a peak at the web today surely reveals. Maybe living well is the greatest revenge. (Ask Andrassy, she oughta know.)

HE IS LEGEND

You know men's tennis achieved something truly epic when the match transcends the court and spills over onto... The Gossip Pages.

That's right, Nadal hit both TMZ and gossip guru Ted Casablanca on E! (who judged Rafa as a hottie on the do-me meter). So Rafa apparently has a "secret" girlfriend (yeah, we all wondered about those man-capris) who is banned from his matches due to her magical powers. Deadspin and TMZ have a gaggle of photos of Nadal and said girlfriend- "Xisca"- on the beach. She's 18, white bikini, white hot - you know, the usual.

So who has girlfriend bragging rights, Nadal or Roddick?

I'm thinking Roger needs to tell Mirka to go back to blonde, that dishwater brown isn't working out.

Meanwhile, naughtier, guiltier pleasure Perez Hilton featured tennis several times over the last two weeks. If you're on Perez you're certainly at the top of the zeitgeist meter (just check out the Perez-effect on iTunes). TMZ also got into the, ahem, "act" with Venus and Serena. All this gossip attention can only mean one thing: major celebrity/poseur activity at the US Open.

Gossip: Stepanek and Vaidisova to Marry? Or it's a Prank.

I almost forgot to post about Radek Stepanek and Nicole Vaidisova applying for a marriage license in Bradenton, Florida, where they both train. (Hat tip: Tennis Info Blog).

Nicole was on ESPN last week denying it in a half-assed, giggly way. When I saw it I thought "oh shit, how stupid are you."

All I can say is, Nicole--DON'T. You were jailbait until a few months ago. And Stepanek got engaged to Martina Hingis a year ago. Then sometime in the summer, they got un-engaged, he got his game back and had significant wins, and depending who you believe, Hingis snorted some blow.

This just leads me to believe that Stepanek is skeevy. When the cocaine story broke, I was surprised that they didn't link it to her bizarre year of personal angst. 

Besides, Nicole, YOU ARE 18! He is 29! 

Serena Wants to Know Who Moved Her Cheese

Although the tennis doping and betting scandals contributed to the genesis of this blog, it was Serena Williams' official website that finally pushed me over the edge. Serena's blog is full of fascinating discourses on bad relationships and tips for leading a better life. 

You see, Serena read a book last fall that changed her life! It was Spencer Johnson's Who Moved My Cheese. When Serena analyzed her career and life she finally figured out she was on the the wrong path. She had an epiphany: 

I was afraid I was afraid to find new cheese! I thought there was only one cheese out there but after reading that book I realized that there is all types of "cheese" out there. Now I am not talking about real cheese but cheese is whatever you make it to be. Whether or not its money, or boyfriends, or friends. There is always more out there if what u have around, Ok I hope I am not boring you guys, but after reading this book my whole spirit and my whole life changed. I became a different person. My personal life as well as my tennis life improved. And all I do now is laugh! I love to live and laugh! It is awesome!

Books are awesome indeed. We at Counter-Punch still think the best way to move your cheese around tends to be through hiring a personal trainer and busting your ass. Tune in to the Aussie Open to see what kind of cheese arranging Serena got done over the winter.

This Blog's For You

I have toyed with becoming a blogger for a couple of years now. But two things always stopped me. First, I saw how narcissistic most blogs are and I resolved not to join the community of navel-gazers gabbing about their breakfast cereal. I'm self-centered enough as it is - I don't need a blog to further inflate my importance to the human race.

 

Second, although I always have plenty to say, I was conflicted about whether my opinions, in all their impassioned, rational glory, were important enough to be heard. Over the years I've tended to rely on the rule of thumb I developed back in law school, when I was forced to listen to law students who loved nothing more than the sound of their own voice:  In those days of total agony punctuated by tennis and the occasional donut, I resolved to volunteer in class only when I had something new to offer, or when the entire class was missing the point. 

Blogs can be annoying, but they have also proved immensely useful as counterpoints to the mainstream media, as well as outlets for discussion and debate. Sports blogs are just now coming into their own. They are needed for the same reason we need them in politics, to challenge media insiders by providing a perspective that isn't tainted by journalists who need access or have an axe to grind.

Tennis is woefully under-covered in the US.  Few American newspapers have regular tennis writers anymore. The AP's tennis articles are pathetic recitations of scores and boring quotes. Sports news here is dominated by one entity, ESPN, and that makes things even worse because tennis is often bashed by the four-letter even while the network tries to be the place for tennis on tv. Tennis journalism is dominated by a few personalities. Some are good, some are bad (and you'll be hearing about them soon), but it concerned me to see the four-letter merge with Tennis magazine late last year. Every time a deal like that gets done it's negative for the tennis fan. Do we really need another outlet for Peter (B)dodo?

When necessary, I will be this sport's biggest cheerleader. When it is wronged by the media I will bash the bashers. When something sensational happens you'll hear about it. But I won't sugarcoat things either. When women's tennis is sucking rotten eggs, I'll be talking about it. We're going to dish it up raw. 

So tennis fans, this blog's for you. I've followed and played tennis for as long as you have and you deserve a critical analysis of matches, news and hot-button issues. That's what this blog will be. And all served up with a wicked slice of gossip.

First set. Muze to serve.