HE IS LEGEND

You know men's tennis achieved something truly epic when the match transcends the court and spills over onto... The Gossip Pages.

That's right, Nadal hit both TMZ and gossip guru Ted Casablanca on E! (who judged Rafa as a hottie on the do-me meter). So Rafa apparently has a "secret" girlfriend (yeah, we all wondered about those man-capris) who is banned from his matches due to her magical powers. Deadspin and TMZ have a gaggle of photos of Nadal and said girlfriend- "Xisca"- on the beach. She's 18, white bikini, white hot - you know, the usual.

So who has girlfriend bragging rights, Nadal or Roddick?

I'm thinking Roger needs to tell Mirka to go back to blonde, that dishwater brown isn't working out.

Meanwhile, naughtier, guiltier pleasure Perez Hilton featured tennis several times over the last two weeks. If you're on Perez you're certainly at the top of the zeitgeist meter (just check out the Perez-effect on iTunes). TMZ also got into the, ahem, "act" with Venus and Serena. All this gossip attention can only mean one thing: major celebrity/poseur activity at the US Open.

The Future Ex-Mrs. Roddick

This is Brooklyn Decker, Roddick's new fiance. I know, totally fake name right? For the record, I agree with celebrity gossipmonger Perez Hilton, who gives it two years to fail. Sorry Andy.

Like Nick Lachey before him, Roddick will soon figure out he didn't need to marry the model to um... you know. Then one day he'll be watching basketball and his wife will ask him if Chicken of the Sea is really sea-water chicken, rather than um... you know, tuna.

What, Jessica Simpson was a singer when she made that famous comment about chi-tuna? Huh. Who knew? Remember that miserable look Nick got on his face when he realized Simpson was dead serious? 

At least she's moved on to someone who can match her stupidity for stupidity:  Cowboys QB Tony Romo.

Congratulations and good luck Andy.